Ahhh!
by Pixie007
Summary: The Fellowship wasn't destroyed, it just incountered a slight mishap. If you flame me, Legolas and I know where you live...
1. This Close!

Pixie crawls into the Throne Chamber of Lord Elrond. She crawls up to his throne and starts gasping for breath.  
  
"I'm dying." She manages to say while she tugs at his royal robes.  
  
Pixie wakes up in a bedroom, one of the many in Rivendell.  
  
"I'm on my death bed aren't I?" she asks Lord Elrond and Lady Arwen at her bedside.  
  
Lady Arwen nods her head and a tear slides down her cheek. She can't take it anymore and leaves.  
  
"I have one wish." Pixie tells Lord Elrond.  
  
"What is it?" Lord Elrond asks blubbering.  
  
"I want to meet Legolas!"  
  
Pixie wakes up and sees Legolas's face staring down at her. They are about to kiss when Lord Elrond bursts into the chamber.  
  
"I just realized!" he yells. "You can't be dying if you're an elf!"  
  
"Sorry gotta run!" Pixie jumps out of bed while pulling the fake elf ears off and jumped out the window.  
  
"Aw man! I was this close!" Legolas whined as he walked out of the chamber.  
  
"Frodo! You gotta help me!" Pixie yelled shaking the Hobbit.  
  
"I'm Pippin. That's Frodo." Pippin said pointing to Frodo.  
  
"I don't care! Who ever you are! Help me!"  
  
"Do you have any food?" Merry pipes up. "I'm hungry."  
  
"Ahhh!" Pixie screamed in frustration.  
  
"What do you need help with Miss?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Lord Elrond is out to get me!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Because I pretended to be an elf!"  
  
to be continued... 


	2. Don't Yell!

"Who are you?" Frodo asked Pixie.  
  
"None of your damn business!" Pixie snapped back at him.  
  
"Why are we waiting?" Gimli barked at Frodo and threatened him with the axe.  
  
"Don't hurt me!" Frodo squealed and covered his head with his arms.  
  
"We're waiting for that guy, Legolas." Boromir replied as he played with his knife.  
  
"Legolas?" Pixie turned her head. "Where is he anyways?"  
  
"Went to see a dying elf." Boromir replied.  
  
"Wait a minute! Elves don't die!" Sam exclaimed.  
  
"What are you accusing me of?" Pixie looked at him menacingly.  
  
"Nothing!" Sam shrunk back. "I never said anything about you Miss. I swear! Please don't hurt me!" he pleaded.  
  
"Alright, I wont." She replied. "What are you all doing here anyway?"  
  
"We have to destroy the ring." Frodo said showing her the ring.  
  
"Pipe down dwarf!" she yelled at him.  
  
"He's not a dwarf! He's a pathetic Hobbit!" Gimli charged at Pixie with his axe. She took one step to the side and Gimli ran straight into the wall of the cave.  
  
"It's cold!" Aragorn complained like a three year old.  
  
"Well no duh! You're in the mountains!" Pixie said annoyed.  
  
"Shouldn't someone help him get his axe out?" Frodo asked and pointed to Gimli who was swearing and pulling at his axe.  
  
"You know what Baggins?!" Pixie exclaimed as she stormed up to Frodo who was sitting on a cave rock. "I'm bloody sick of your attitude! You're too nice! That's your problem! Let's help him and lets feed those." Pixie mimicked Frodo and frowned.  
  
"What's wrong with helping people?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Pipe down!"  
  
"Don't talk to my friend that way!" Sam stood up.  
  
"What are you going to do about it little man?" Pixie stood up as well.  
  
"We're hungry." Pippin and Merry moaned together.  
  
"Don't call me little!"  
  
"There's a way to settle this." Boromir said as he walked up to the crazy girl and Sam.  
  
"No sword fighting Boromir!" Aragorn called.  
  
"Damn!" Boromir said to himself and went to sit back down.  
  
"We're behind schedule." Gandalf said as he looked at his hourglass. "Where could Legolas be?" be he shook his head.  
  
"Ummm...Legolas? I wouldn't have a clue." Pixie looked innocent.  
  
"Say, where did you come from and why?" Gandlaf asked, as he turned right around.  
  
"I already told you," Pixie said impatiently. "Lord Elrond is out to get me."  
  
"Why?" Pippin asked.  
  
"I told you! Because I pretended to be a dying Elf to see Lego..." Never mind.  
  
"I think she was going to say Legolas." Sam whispered to Frodo.  
  
"What did you say?" Pixie roared.  
  
"Nothing Miss!" Frodo said. "He said nothing."  
  
Pixie looked at Frodo whose eyes were full of fear and put Sam back down.  
  
They sat around for two hours in silence.  
  
"Are you sure you said to meet us here?" Gandalf asked Aragorn.  
  
"Yes Gandalf, right here where we stopped."  
  
"Bloody hell! I'll do find him!" Pixie said as she wrapped her cloak around herself and headed down the mountains.  
  
"Legolas! Oi! Legolas!" she yelled at the top of her lungs.  
  
"Be quite!" someone's voice approached. "You'll kill us all you maniac!"  
  
"Who you calling maniac..." she trailed off as she saw Legolas come into view.  
  
"It's you!" he said in shock and stopped in his tracks.  
  
"It's you!" she repeated what he said, only sarcastically. "Hurry up! Everyone's waiting!" Pixie called impatiently as she began to climb up the mountain.  
  
"I said don't yell!" Legolas called after her.  
  
"What did you say?" she yelled back down.  
  
The mighty mountain began to rumble and snow crashed down. Everyone was washed away in a white wave of coldness.  
  
"Oh great! I'm stuck with Nice Boy." She winced as she pulled Frodo out of the snow. "Oh, Hungry Boy number One. It's you. You're ok. You don't get on my nerves." She said as Pippins head emerged from the snow.  
  
"Aren't we going to look for anyone else?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Nah, they'll turn up later." Pixie said carelessly as she began to walk.  
  
"Ain't that Legolas's bow?" Pippin asked as he picked the bow up.  
  
"Where?!" Pixie exclaimed and ran back up to Pippin.  
  
"Here." He said as he showed her the bow.  
  
"We must find him!" Frodo exclaimed as he began digging through the snow.  
  
"That's the best thing I heard from you today Nice Boy." Pixie said as she helped him dig. "Aren't you going to help Hungry Boy number One?" she asked him. "An elf is in danger and all you can do is stand around and gawk?"  
  
"My name's Pippin." He said.  
  
"Just dig!" Frodo ordered. "Or else she might hurt you."  
  
"Legolas!" Pixie said as the top of his head appeared out of the snow.  
  
After they got his whole head out of the snow Legolas sputtered and shouted at Pixie. "I told you don't yell!"  
  
"Shush!" Pixie warned him. "You might cause an avalanche."  
  
"Just get me out!" he said to Pippin and Frodo. 


	3. Now What?

"Now what?" Frodo asked as the four of them stood on the mountain and all they could see was snow, snow and more snow.  
  
"I'm hungry!" Pippin wailed.  
  
"Here!" Pixie said in annoyance and thrust an onion into Pippins hand.  
  
"Wow! An onion! Thanks Miss!" Pippin said happily as he sunk his teeth into it.  
  
"That shut him up." She muttered under her breath.  
  
"What is your name?" Legolas turned to her.  
  
"Why do you want to know?" Pixie asked self-importantly.  
  
"Because we were this close." He said. "Elrond ruined everything!" he added quietly.  
  
"Please! Not in front of the children!" Pixie said as she covered Frodo's ears.  
  
Pippin stood munching on his onion. "Pixie, its Pixie, Legolas Greenleaf." She answered his question.  
  
"This is the best onion I ever tasted!" Pippin licked his fingers as the last of the onion disappeared down his throat.  
  
"What did you say your name was Miss?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Pixie!" she said letting go of Frodo's head.  
  
"I'm probably older than you!" Frodo protested. "I'm not a child!"  
  
"It's all right little one. Calm down." She patted him on the head.  
  
"Merry!" Sam exclaimed as he saw his friend's arms sticking out of the snow.  
  
"Sam!" Merry called. Sam dug Merry out and shook the snow off him.  
  
"Where's everyone else?" Merry asked.  
  
"I don't know, all I can see is snow." Sam answered.  
  
"Is that Aragorns feet sticking out of the snow?" Merry squinted his beady little eyes to see better.  
  
"I think you're right!" Sam yelled as he ran towards Aragorn.  
  
"Dig him out!" Merry called to Sam who was furiously digging.  
  
"Are you alright Mister?" Merry asked as Sam balanced Aragorn on his feet.  
  
"A bit dizzy." He said rubbing his eyes.  
  
"I'm hungry!" Merry wailed.  
  
"Here!" Aragorn shoved a Brussel Sprout into Merry's hand.  
  
"Wow! A Brussel Sprout! Thanks Mister!" Merry exclaimed and sunk his teeth into it.  
  
"That shut him up." Aragorn muttered under his breath.  
  
"Come on old dwarf! Let us help you! Then we'll be able to be on our way!" Boromir yelled at the dwarf who was struggling and kicking in the snow.  
  
"Never!" Gimli called as he wriggled this way and that.  
  
"Please Gimli! This century?" Gandalf said as he polished his wizard stick.  
  
"Never!" Gimli roared again.  
  
Night fell and Boromir and Gandalf had gone to sleep. Gimli was still struggling.  
  
"Where are we going to sleep sir?" Sam asked as he followed Aragorn.  
  
"We're going back to the cave. You got your swords?"  
  
"Sir? I think I broke mine!" Merry called to Aragorn.  
  
"What is it Merry?" Aragorn said, his patience wearing very thin.  
  
"The blade. It's not as long as it used to be. Sir?" Merry called.  
  
"Here!" Aragorn said trying his hardest not to yell at such stupidity.  
  
"But that's your sword sir!" Merry exclaimed.  
  
"Yes, and if you brake it it's coming out of your allowance!" Aragorn said as he continued to lead them up the treacherous mountain.  
  
"But sir, he doesn't get an allowance." Sam said.  
  
"Shush!" Merry put his hand over Sam's mouth. "He doesn't know that!"  
  
"Nice boy!" Pixie called.  
  
"What?"  
  
"Start a fire!"  
  
"With what?"  
  
"Always trying to get out of your duties with excuses eh?" Pixie said and shook Pippin by the shoulder. "Hungry Boy number One. Hungry Boy!" she continued to shake him.  
  
"Give it up." Legolas looked up from polishing his bow. "He is dreaming about that onion you gave him." he nodded at Pippin who's head was rolled back and mouth his mouth was open.  
  
"Great!" Frodo said. "Look what you did to him!"  
  
"Shut up!"  
  
"No you shut up!" Frodo retorted.  
  
"Both of you! Shut up!" Legolas ordered them.  
  
"I'm tired of taking orders!" Frodo frowned. "From you crazy girl and you elf boy."  
  
Legolas looked up at him from polishing his bow.  
  
"I'm sorry!" Frodo moved back. "I'm sorry, just please get that thing away from me!" he closed his eyes.  
  
"It's not a thing!" Pixie said. "It's a bow! And he's got arrows too."  
  
Legolas began whistling as he took the arrows out and began sharpening them.  
  
Pixie slapped Pippin across the head.  
  
"Ow Miss! What was that for?" Pippin howled.  
  
"Can none of you start a fire?" she asked. "Bloody hell! Three men...no wait, one elf man and two Hobbits. And none of you can start a fire!"  
  
"Why do you even need a fire?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Fine! We'll all freeze to death!" Pixie said.  
  
Legolas continued to whistle.  
  
"All right! All of us will freeze to death except Legolas because he's a blasted Elf!"  
  
"Thank you." Legolas said.  
  
"Do you want to freeze to death?" she turned to Frodo and Pippin.  
  
They had the look of utter horror on their face as they shook their heads.  
  
"Well then start a fire!"  
  
"Man! I will start the fire!" Legolas non-willingly volunteered as he got up from the log he was sitting on. 


	4. Put Your Damn Pants On!

"Get off me!" Pixie yelled in horror and pushed Pippin away.  
  
"What are you on about now?" Legolas said as he opened his eyes.  
  
"Hungry Boy! You dirty...!"  
  
"What's all the commotion?" Frodo asked tiredly as he opened his eyes to find that it was morning.  
  
"Pip." Legolas began and then turned back around. "Ah, man, you explain."  
  
"Your friend is a dirty little rotten."  
  
"No, he does that sometimes. It's a problem he has." Frodo began. "He dreams about girls. He even woke up in my bed once."  
  
"I did not need to hear that!" Legolas called.  
  
"Well, wake him up!" Pixie ordered Frodo.  
  
"Pippin! Pippin! Wake up!" Frodo shook his friend by the shoulder.  
  
"No! Don't put your clothes back on!" Pippin yelled in his sleep.  
  
Legolas tried not to laugh but then in mere seconds was rolling around in the snow laughing his head off.  
  
"Get up Legolas!" she said.  
  
"No! Don't leave! I haven't finished!" Pippin continued in his sleep.  
  
By now Legolas was having trouble breathing he was laughing so hard.  
  
"You want a piece of this?" Pixie shook her fist at Legolas.  
  
"I'll be good!" Legolas exclaimed as he jumped up from the snow.  
  
"Put your damn pants on Hungry Boy!" Pixie said as she turned away from Pippin.  
  
Merry was making invisible stew when Sam woke up.  
  
"What are you doing?" Sam asked as he saw his friend's hand move in clockwise direction over and over again.  
  
"Stew, tasty stew, tomatoes and bacon. Stew." Merry sang sorrowfully.  
  
"Wake up Merry!" Sam shook him.  
  
"Do you want some stew Mr. Frodo?" Merry asked.  
  
"Merry! It's me! Sam!"  
  
"What the devil are you two doing?" Aragorn asked as he was awakened from his sleep.  
  
"Merry's making imaginary stew, sir!" Sam said worriedly.  
  
"Let him be! Let him make whatever he wants!" Aragorn said gruffly and went back to sleep.  
  
"Wake up Merry! Wake up!" Sam whispered.  
  
"What?" Merry asked as he slowly opened his eyes. "I had the most beautiful dream. I was making stew, and there was no one with me to share it with. So I ate it all."  
  
"That's great." Sam said sarcastically.  
  
"Where are we?" Merry said rubbing his sleepy eyes.  
  
"In the cave we were in yesterday." Sam said.  
  
"Didn't we have an avalanche?" Merry yawned.  
  
"Yes."  
  
"My sword!" Merry remembered and grabbed Aragorns sword. "I broke it Sam! I broke it!" Merry's face fell. "It's going to come out of my allowance!"  
  
Sam patted his friend on the back.  
  
"That's it!" Boromir roared and took hold of Gimli's feet.  
  
"One, two, three!" Gandalf counted and Boromir pulled the dwarf out of the snow. Gandalf laughed.  
  
"We would have been here forever if it wasn't for Boromir's temper. I knew that would come in handy some day!" Gandalf continued laughing.  
  
"Ahhh!" Gimli charged at Boromir with his axe.  
  
"Easy now boy." Boromir said calmly and moved out of the way.  
  
Gimli charged at Boromir again.  
  
Gandalf wiped a tear away from his eye that he got from laughing.  
  
"I haven't laughed like this in a long time." Gandalf said.  
  
"What are you planning on doing about this?" Boromir asked Gandalf and gestured to the mad dwarf.  
  
"Nothing as yet, my boy! Nothing as yet!" Gandalf smiled.  
  
"Aahh!" came Gimli's roar.  
  
"Aahh!" Boromir replied, making fun of Gimli.  
  
"No really, what are you going to do about it?" Aragorn yelled to Gandalf as he ran past him an hour later with the dwarf in hot pursuit.  
  
"All right, all right. Hold your horses." Gandalf took a minute to stop laughing.  
  
Gandalf mumbled some magic words and Gimli froze on the spot.  
  
"All right, you can unfreeze him now Gandalf." Borimir said annoyed.  
  
"As you wish." Gndalf said as he freed Gimli and the dwarf ran at Borimir again. 


	5. A Job Well Done

By evening Legolas, Pixie, Frodo and Pippin had climbed down the mountain.  
  
"I don't think we should go any further today." Frodo said as he looked around.  
  
"I agree." Pippin said regarding the terrain on the mountain steppe.  
  
"I'll start the fire." Legolas said before Pixie could start her fire lecture again.  
  
"I like you," Pixie nodded at Legolas. "You do as you're told."  
  
"He's just afraid of you." Frodo frowned.  
  
"No, he's just better than you." Pixie said.  
  
"You want the ring, don't you?" Frodo looked up at her.  
  
"Why would I want the ring?"  
  
"To have power."  
  
"I already do have power over you, little man." Pixie said.  
  
"No you don't!" Frodo protested.  
  
"Yeah I do." Pixie said and kicked Frodo in the shin. Frodo howled in pain. "See, I do have power over you."  
  
"I don't want him sleeping anywhere near me!" Legolas said as he looked straight at Pippin. "It will go like this: me, you," he pointed at Pixie. "You," he nodded at Frodo. "Then you." he looked at Pippin like he was an escaped lunatic.  
  
Pixie frowned at Frodo.  
  
"If you even try anything, little man," she looked hard at him.  
  
"You are sick!" Frodo yelled. "Did you know that?! You are sick!"  
  
"And you better keep Hungry Boy away from me!" Pixie yelled back at Frodo.  
  
"I'll keep Hungry Boy away from you if you keep him away from me." Legolas said and gripped his bow tighter.  
  
"Agreed." Pixie shook his hand.  
  
"Keep that imaginary stew to yourself today! Or don't make it at all!" Aragorn threatened Merry.  
  
"No sir, I won't sir." Merry said.  
  
"You should tell him about the sword." Sam whispered when Aragorn turned away.  
  
Merry just shook his head.  
  
"Do you know what he would do to me then?" Merry panicked. "Do you know what he would do to me?!" Merry shook Sam.  
  
"Calm down!"  
  
"I can't calm down!"  
  
"Here, look, he's gone to sleep. We have until morning to think of a plan." Sam reminded him calmly.  
  
"I have to bury the evidence!" Merry said and ran outside into the snow.  
  
"You're crazy!" Sam gasped for air as he caught up with Merry.  
  
"No, I'm just going to bury the evidence!" Merry looked like a madman.  
  
"You should just tell him the truth Merry!"  
  
Merry's eyes began to glow a menacing blue color. Sam turned on his heel and ran away waving his arms in the air.  
  
"No stew this morning, Merry?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"No sir," Merry answered nervously.  
  
"All right, I don't think you will need my sword any more. We are out of danger here. Give it back." Aragorn held out his hand.  
  
Merry looked around him.  
  
"Crickey sir! It's gone!" Merry exclaimed.  
  
"Cut the crap!" Aragorn barked.  
  
"No sir it's really gone!"  
  
"WHAT??!" Aragorn burst.  
  
"Goblins took it?" Merry said as a last resort.  
  
"I'll show you Goblins!" Aragorn yelled and he was about to punch Merry when Sam showed up.  
  
"No! Don't hit him! I have your sword!" Sam yelled. "Here!" Sam held out the broken sword to the raged Aragorn.  
  
"What the freaking hell did you do to it?!"  
  
"It wasn't my fault sir!" Merry squeaked. "It was the goblins!"  
  
"Look you little dwarf!" Borimir seized Gimli's beard. "You have been leading us around in circles for half the day now! Where the hell are you trying to take us?!"  
  
"You've been following me?" Gimli scratched his head. "I've been following you the whole time!"  
  
"How the hell can you follow me when I was walking behind you?!"  
  
"I see a fire!" Gandalf called out. "Over there!" he pointed his stick to the farthest mountain the eye could see.  
  
"What does that have to do with anything?" Boromir asked dropping Gimli to the ground.  
  
"That means there are people there! They can tell us the way!"  
  
"What if it's not, what if that's an accident fire?" Gimli asked.  
  
"You fool! How would a fire start by itself in snow?" Gandalf shuddered at such ignorance.  
  
"Lets go then!" Boromir called as he began to run down the mountain.  
  
"Wait! Boromir! You don't know what could be down there!" Gandalf called after him.  
  
But Boromir didn't hear him. Gandalf grabbed Gimli by the beard and sped after Boromir to prevent any danger.  
  
Meanwhile at the fire Legolas and Pixie were congratulating each other on a job well done about keeping Pippin away.  
  
"No! I want you!" Pippin called in his sleep. "Come back!" Pippin rolled over and rolled straight into the fire and put it out.  
  
"Pippin!" Frodo groaned.  
  
Pippin didn't wake up. The other three had to smother his body in snow to put out the fire. By the time they were finished Pippin was awake.  
  
"Put you damn pants on!" Pixie and Legolas said together. 


	6. DINNER!

"Uh-huh, you say you know the woods like the back of your hand Legolas?" Frodo said.  
  
"Shut up." Legolas replied annoyed at the little Hobbit.  
  
There was a creak as someone stepped on a branch and twig. Legolas aimed his bow. Pippin and Frodo grabbed Legolas around the waist and jumped behind him.  
  
"What's that?" Frodo trembled.  
  
"It's me, dumbass!" Pixie called to Frodo.  
  
Legolas put down his bow.  
  
"You should've shot." Frodo muttered.  
  
Legolas slapped Frodo across the head.  
  
"What was that for?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Keep on walking." Legolas said.  
  
"Hang your head in shame boy!" Aragorn said.  
  
Merry did so, and walked like that for 10 miles until his neck got stiff.  
  
"Sir?" Merry said.  
  
"What is it?" Aragorn asked as he continued to chop through the thick branches of the woods.  
  
"May I lift my head now, sir?"  
  
"Yes." Aragorn yelled as he chopped another branch.  
  
No sooner had Merry lifted his head that an oak brunch swung at him and knocked him on the forehead.  
  
"Wait!" Aragorn held up his hand. "I hear something!"  
  
They heard distant voices.  
  
"I'm hungry!" Someone wailed and then their cries were muffled, it sounded almost like their mouth was being stuffed with something. Forcefully not by their own will.  
  
"AAAH!" Boromir yelled as he stood on the foot of the mountain.  
  
"What is it Boromir?" Gandalf asked as he approached him.  
  
"That!"  
  
Boromir looked up and screamed. A giant goose flapped its wings. The wizard, the dwarf and Boromir pressed themselves against the ground.  
  
Out of the forest came running Pippin and Merry, followed by Legolas and Pixie.  
  
"DINNER!" Merry cried joyfully.  
  
"SECOND DINNER!" Pippin yelled happily.  
  
"Shoot it Legolas!" Pixie yelled.  
  
And Legolas being the brave elf he is shot the heathen bird.  
  
They roasted in on a big fire and they all had dinner for the first time that week. 


	7. I See It!

All the four Hobbits were reunited and the journey to Mount Doom resumed.  
  
"Thank Heavens that ended!" Legolas muttered to Pixie as they walked.  
  
"I know what you mean. Pippins little problem."  
  
"Don't remind me." Legolas shuddered.  
  
"Man! Even I'm not as scared as you are, of him!"  
  
"Don't remind me!"  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Lets just say I had an unpleasant experience being mistaken for a maiden."  
  
"So?"  
  
"In the lake." Legolas bowed his head.  
  
"Oooooh..." she patted him on the back. "I'm sorry. If I ever find the bastard!" Pixie said angrily.  
  
"You carry it!" Anagorn pushed Boromir.  
  
"No you carry it!" Boromir pushed Aragorn back.  
  
"No you!"  
  
"You!"  
  
"Both of you! Get Nice Boy to carry it!" Pixie got the bag containing the wishbone from the duck. She thrust it into Frodo's arms.  
  
"No you carry it!" Frodo gave it back to her.  
  
"Fine! Loser!"  
  
"Children! Don't fight!" Gandalf ordered. "I need that wish bone!"  
  
"There it is! There it is!" Aragorn jumped up and down like a five year old.  
  
"Yes, yes Aragorn. There it is, there is Lorien." Gandalf said.  
  
The fellowship and the crazy girl stood on a mountain cliff and watched Lorien.  
  
"I can get my future read!" Gimli exclaimed. "Galadriel lives there." He blushed.  
  
"Yeah, Galadriel lives there." Boromir added and blushed.  
  
"You sick people! You sick man and sick dwarf! She has grandchildren!" Pixie hit them on the head.  
  
"Arwen.." Aragorn sighed and mumbled something in Elvish.  
  
"Sick people!" Pixie muttered too Legolas as she walked along with him.  
  
"Quite." He replied.  
  
"Race you!" Pippin shouted. "Last one there is a rotten fish egg!"  
  
"Wait for me!" Merry called in his accent.  
  
Sam followed and Frodo after him.  
  
"I was so worried Mr. Frodo that I had lost you forever!" Sam said to his friend as they raced to catch up with Merry and Pippin.  
  
"Why?" Frodo asked.  
  
"Gandalf said never to let you out of my sight! And I don't intend to!"  
  
"Never?" Pixie repeated to Legolas and mused.  
  
"You heard too?"  
  
"Of course! They're only a mile or so away! Never! Poor Frodo. Never! If you get what I mean." Then Legolas elbowed Pixie and she pushed him down. It all evens out and Middle Earth makes sense once again. 


	8. Avenging Legolas

"I am not going in that lake!" Legolas protested.  
  
"Fine! I'll go get your damn bow!" Pixie said. "Go away Hungry Boy! Both you Hungry Boys!"  
  
Pippin and Merry scampered away.  
  
"Legolas! I still don't get how the hell your bow ended up in the lake!" she said.  
  
Legolas shrugged.  
  
"What, you went fishing?"  
  
"No.I.never mind." He said and walked away.  
  
"Here!" she thrust the bow at Legolas and walked away leaving a trail of water behind her because she was soaking wet.  
  
"Damn you Legolas! You gotta over come your fear of lakes!" she said as they sat in front of it.  
  
"Why?"  
  
"Oh so what are you going to stay dirty now?" she asked. "Hey! You two! Stop it!" she yelled to Pippin and Merry as they ran along the rocks of the waterfall splashing each other.  
  
"It's not like there's elves hiding behind every bush near a lake!"  
  
"How do you know?"  
  
"Bloody hell! Will you feel more comfortable if we avenged it?" she said as she stood up and dragged Legolas by the ear to Galadriel.  
  
"But we are supposed to be baby sitting the Hobbits!" he squealed.  
  
"Screw them!"  
  
Pixie burst into Galadriels chamber still dragging Legolas. Boromir and Gimli were sitting there charming her.  
  
"We have a problem!" Pixie said as she looked at Boromir and Gimli. They ran out of the room.  
  
"What is it child?" Galadriel asked in her heavenly voice.  
  
"Legolas," she shook him by the ear, "Legolas has trouble getting into lakes."  
  
"I see." Galadriel said as she put her hand on Legolas's forehead. "I can see why. What would you like me to do about it?"  
  
"Avenge it!" Pixie said in a deadly voice.  
  
"This girl does not represent me." Legolas added.  
  
"How would you like me to avenge it?" Galadriel asked.  
  
"Any way! Just so he," she shook Legolas again. "He won't be afraid of lakes."  
  
"Let me go!" Legolas shouted. "Let me go!"  
  
"Keep still!" she warned him.  
  
"Let us see how the avenging is going on."  
  
"What are you doing to them?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Same they have done unto you." Galadriel replied. "Would you like to see?"  
  
Legolas broke free from Pixies grip and ran away screaming.  
  
"She likes me more!" Boromir yelled.  
  
"She likes me more!" Gimli yelled too.  
  
"Oh please she doesn't like either of you." Pixie informed them as she walked out of Galadriel's chamber and pushed them aside.  
  
"Legolas!" she yelled. "Legolas!"  
  
"He's hiding behind there." Gandalf pointed with his smoking pipe.  
  
"Thank you!" she said.  
  
"Anytime." Gandalf smiled to himself. He was going to enjoy watching this.  
  
"Get out of there!" Pixie ordered.  
  
"No!" Legolas sulked.  
  
"Yes!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"You want a piece of this?"  
  
"I'll be good!"  
  
Pixie pushed him into the lake and then jumped in with him to make sure he didn't run away. Pippin and Merry thought it was a pool party and jumped in too. Soon after Frodo and Sam did too.  
  
"My bath!" Galadriel screamed as she came outside. 


	9. Love Is Stupid

"Oh, come on Mr. Frodo!" Sam pulled Frodo up. "It will be fun, we're only going for a laugh."  
  
"Yeah, come on Mr. Frodo!" Merry urged him.  
  
"Love is stupid." Frodo said. "And besides I have a mission." He said proudly.  
  
"Mr. Frodo!" Pippin exclaimed and the three of them pulled Frodo up and dragged him into the queue that were waiting to get their love fortunes read by Galadriel.  
  
"Come in." Galadriel said to the first person.  
  
Pixie threatened everyone so they let her go first. She came in and sat down across from Galadriel.  
  
"What do you see?" Pixie asked.  
  
"I see," she began, "I see Frodo-"  
  
Before Galadriel could finish Pixie ran out of the chamber screaming and waving her arms around like crazy. Frodo laughed and got slapped on the head by Legolas.  
  
"I see Frodo being beat up by Legolas because Frodo said something to offend you." Galadriel sighed and finished Pixie's fortune. "Next!" she yelled.  
  
Legolas came into the room and sat down.  
  
"I see," Galadriel looked into her bowl. "I see you and Frodo-"  
  
Legolas ran out of the chamber screaming in the same fashion as Pixie before Galadriel finished.  
  
"I see you and Frodo having a fight because he has said something to offend that Pixie girl." Galadriel finished Legolas's future.  
  
"Poor guy." Sam whispered as Legolas ran past him down the hall.  
  
Legolas crashed straight into Pixie, who was still screaming, and they both crashed down on the marble floor.  
  
"Next!" Galadriel yelled.  
  
Sam and Pippin pushed Frodo into the room.  
  
"Ah, Frodo." She said and motioned for him to sit down.  
  
Frodo frowned as Galadriel looked into her mirror bowl.  
  
"I see you and Pixie girl-" Galadriel began.  
  
Frodo ran out of the room screaming his head off.  
  
"I wonder how that is going to happen." Galadriel mused to herself.  
  
Just as Legolas and Pixie got up Frodo ran straight into them and they all crashed down on the marble floor, again.  
  
"I don't want you to come near me Nice Boy!" Pixie shrieked and backed away.  
  
"You want your head read, that's what you want!" Frodo shouted at her. Legolas hit him across the head. "Stop hitting me Elf Boy!" Frodo yelled at Legolas and grabbed at his boots.  
  
"Get it off me! Get it off me!" Legolas yelled trying to shake Frodo off.  
  
"I'm trying!" Pixie panicked as she hit Frodo.  
  
"I'm coming Mr. Frodo!" Sam yelled and charged at Legolas and grabbed onto his other boot.  
  
Pixie grabbed Frodo by the collar and with all her might ripped him off Legolas's boot. Legolas with all his Elfie might pushed Sam away and fell backwards onto the floor again.  
  
"Did we miss it? Did we miss it?" Aragorn and Boromir asked as they came running down the hall.  
  
"Yes," Merry said munching on his Brussel Sprout.  
  
"You missed it." Pippin agreed as he bit into his onion.  
  
"What happened?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"They was fighting, sir." Merry said.  
  
"I know that!" Aragorn said annoyed.  
  
"What happened exactly?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Well, you see," Pippin chewed on his onion.  
  
"Yes?"  
  
"You see, Frodo," Pippin took another bite. "Frodo said," he swallowed.  
  
"What??"  
  
"Frodo said, you want your head," Merry continued.  
  
"Ahh!" Boromir and Aragorn yelled in frustration because they weren't going to get their answer quickly.  
  
"Next!" Galadriel said to the only remaining person in the queue; Gimli.  
  
"What do you see? What do you see?" Gimli asked excitedly.  
  
"I see," she looked unsurely into her bowl. "I see you and...me?" Galadriel looked up at the grinning dwarf and ran out of the room screaming with all the capacity of her Elf lungs. 


	10. Route 409

From Lorien the Fellowship set out again.  
  
"Hey! We are not that far from my house!" Legolas exclaimed as he saw the treetops of Mirkwood.  
  
"So?" Pixie asked as the Fellowship kept walking.  
  
"Just saying, we're not far from my house."  
  
"Guys?" Pippin stopped.  
  
"What is it now?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"I lost my place on the map. I can't seem to find Route 409!" he panicked.  
  
"Give me that!" Pixie grabbed the map off him.  
  
"Let me see!" Legolas said.  
  
"Hungry Boy!" Pixie shook the map while Legolas was trying to get it off her to look at it.  
  
"Hold it still!" Legolas said.  
  
"Hungry Boy!" Pixie yelled again.  
  
"This is not a map of Middle Earth!" Legolas said after a while.  
  
"But...but it has to be!" Pippin protested.  
  
"Well you see here," Legolas showed the map to Pippin. "You see, there is no such place in Middle Earth as Texas, New York or Las Vegas."  
  
"There isn't?" Merry's happy face turned sad.  
  
"So we're not going to the Caesar's Palace casino?" Sam asked.  
  
"Do you even know what a casino is, dumbass?" Pixie hit Sam.  
  
"Stop it! All of you!" Gandalf ordered. "Legolas! Run home and get another map!"  
  
"But..man!" Legolas whined.  
  
"Just go!" Boromir yelled.  
  
"We'll wait for you here." Aragorn said and sat down.  
  
"Fine!" Legolas exclaimed.  
  
"Oh no you don't!" Pixie grabbed his cloak.  
  
"What?" Legolas asked trying to break free.  
  
"I'm coming too so you're not so slow this time."  
  
"Can I come too?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Why?" Legolas asked him.  
  
"She might give me an onion." Pippin whispered to him.  
  
"The only thing she'll give you is a concussion if you keep on having your little problem." Legolas said quietly to him. "And I'll help." He added.  
  
Pippin just looked puzzled at Frodo. Frodo just shook his head.  
  
"I'll go saddle a horse for you then." Aragorn got up.  
  
"We had a horse?!" Pixie exclaimed.  
  
"And nobody told me?!" Legolas said outraged.  
  
"And here I was using my own two feet!" Pixie continued to yell.  
  
Pippin and Legolas were fighting about who gets to ride first.  
  
"There's a way to settle this." Boromir offered.  
  
"No sword fighting!" Aragorn and Frodo said together.  
  
"Blast and damn!" Boromir exclaimed.  
  
"I get to ride it!" Legolas said and pushed Pippin out of the way.  
  
"No I do!" Pippin pushed Legolas back.  
  
"Enough!" Frodo said. "Do paper, scissors, rock."  
  
"Fine." Pixie said.  
  
"One two three!" Frodo counted.  
  
"I bet you!" Pippin screamed. "I bet you!"  
  
"It doesn't count!" Pixie said.  
  
"Why not?"  
  
"Because Legolas didn't play!" she pointed at Legolas who was standing and sulking with his arms folded across his chest.  
  
"Legolas!" Pippin said as he tugged on his cloak. "Play!!"  
  
"No!"  
  
"Why not??" Pippin continued.  
  
"I want to ride it." He kept sulking.  
  
"Why the hell don't you just take turns?!" Boromir raged.  
  
"Fine." Pippin sighed.  
  
"Who's going to go first?" Sam asked.  
  
"Me!" Legolas said as he began to mount the horse.  
  
"Me!" Pippin pushed Legolas off and they began fighting.  
  
"Aren't you going to do anything about it Gandalf?" Frodo asked.  
  
"I cannot be bothered anymore." Gandalf said tiredly.  
  
"ME!" Pixie said as she climbed on the horse and rode off with Pippin and Legolas running after her. 


	11. Sure, Why Not?

"Wait here." Legolas said. "I'll go get the map."  
  
"Why can't we see where you live? What your inhabitance is like." Pixie asked.  
  
"Because..there are..things..no one else should..see." Legolas hesitated.  
  
"Oh come on Mr. Elf!" Pippin said cheerfully. "Show us your place!"  
  
"I would rather not.." Legolas said and ran inside.  
  
"Man! What's taking him so bloody long?" Pixie complained to Pippin as they sat on a rock.  
  
"I don't know. Elf business?" Pippin asked.  
  
"I don't know and I'm going to find out!" Pixie said. "You stay here. And don't move a muscle!" she ordered.  
  
"But how can I breathe Miss?" Pippin looked up at her.  
  
"Alright. You can breathe. But other than that..Not a muscle! You hear me?" and she stormed off.  
  
Mean while Frodo and company was sitting in a circle having a knuckle bones championship.  
  
"Yes! In your freckled face Samwise!" Aragorn yelled as Sam was now officially out of the competition.  
  
The four remaining competitors sat in a circle and looked as they were about to kill each other. The remaining competition were Aragorn, Frodo, Gimli and Gandalf.  
  
"Alright. I got the map." Legolas said as he came outside. "Where's Pippin?" he asked when he noticed that the crazy girl was running around and yelling for him.  
  
"How should I know? I left him for a second to go see what the hell you were doing and then I came out and he's gone!"  
  
"That is not good!" Legolas said.  
  
"No shit!"  
  
"He can be anywhere by now."  
  
"Wait! Is there a bar somewhere here?" Pixie asked getting an idea.  
  
"Not now! We have to find Pippin!" Legolas said.  
  
"Just answer! Is there a bar here?" Pixie shook him  
  
"Yes, yes! Just let me go!" Legolas pleaded.  
  
"Show me."  
  
So they had to walk through hills and meadows to the nearest bar.  
  
"See, here." He said.  
  
"Come on!" Pixie said as she pulled him towards the entrance.  
  
"I'm flattered but I don't drink." He said.  
  
"Like hell you don't!" she said as she pulled him inside.  
  
Pippin was sitting right in the center of the bar on the highest barstool they had. And then on some books.  
  
"So he says -'hic'-it comes in pints?" Pippin slurred the words as he banged his pint on the table. All the drunks around him laughed. "And I said-'hic'-sure why not?"  
  
"Hungry Boy!" Pixie said as she hit him on the head. He didn't answer.  
  
"Great," Legolas said. "You gave him a concussion, just like I said."  
  
Pixie made Legolas carry out Pippin and carry him all the way back to where they left the horse.  
  
"I want to ride the horse!" Legolas whined. "I want to!"  
  
"Do you want to carry him?" Pixie asked.  
  
"I'll walk!" Legolas said quickly.  
  
"I must tell you Frodo. I am mighty good at this game." Gandalf said.  
  
Boromir was taking bets on who would win.  
  
"Look they're coming!" Sam leapt up and down in the air.  
  
"Here!" Legolas said as he dropped Pippin to the ground.  
  
"What have you done with him?" Frodo wailed.  
  
"Nothing." Pixie said and shifted her eyes in an unnatural sort of way. 


	12. Mooning The Enemy

"I'm hungry!" Merry and Pippin wailed.  
  
"You're always hungry!" Gimli barked at them.  
  
"If you can catch something, then be my guest." Aragorn told them. "But for now I think we should set up camp."  
  
"What are you eating?" Boromir asked in the early hour of 10 a.m. as he watched Pippin and Merry roasting and eating wild boars.  
  
"Wild boars sir!" Merry exclaimed.  
  
In the capacity of a few seconds everyone was awake and sitting around the fire and eating boar.  
  
"How did you catch it?" Gimli asked ripping into the roasted boar's hind leg.  
  
"It was all Pippin's idea sir." Merry said joyfully.  
  
"How did you do it my boy?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"I thought of BraveHeart sir. I got the idea from him." Pippin said in his Scottish accent.  
  
"Yes, go on." Gandalf said.  
  
"I mooned the enemy, just like BraveHeart did." Pippin said. Everyone stopped eating.  
  
"I think I just became a vegetarian." Legolas said.  
  
"Since when the hell were you not one?" Pixie asked.  
  
"Since you made me eat that goose." He said putting down the boar.  
  
"Forget the goose Legolas, the goose is gone!" Pixie said.  
  
"I never liked it!" Legolas protested.  
  
"You're living in the past Legolas! Stop living in the past!" Pixie shook him.  
  
"Are you listening to what I'm saying?" Legolas asked.  
  
"We'll help you through this Mr. Elf." Pippin said. "We all liked the goose!"  
  
In the morning Legolas sat on a rock brushing his long, beautiful, blond hair.  
  
"Is this some kind fancy pinky tea party you're going to?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Shut up." Legolas said.  
  
"Or is this just a girly elf thing?"  
  
"At least I'm going to live forever! Got that! Live forever!" Legolas had a menacing look in his eyes.  
  
"Alright already. We get the idea!" Aragorn winced.  
  
"I know, there's a way to settle this!" Boromir said.  
  
"No sword fighting." Frodo and Sam sighed.  
  
"Blast, damn and blast!" Boromir said in a cockney accent.  
  
"That elf can't fight with a sword anyways! He don't have one!" Gimli laughed.  
  
"What are you implying?" Legolas asked as he slipped the comb into his pocket.  
  
"Oh, nothing, nothing," Gimli said sarcastically. "Except you wouldn't be able to use a sword if your life depended on it." He muttered under his breath.  
  
"I could too!" Legolas threatened.  
  
"No you couldn't Mr. Elf. You're an Elf." Merry gently reminded him.  
  
"Shut up! All of you!" Legolas shouted and ran away crying.  
  
"Oh great, look what you did. You just lost your best archer!" Pixie said after witnessing the encounter.  
  
"Who's going to go get him?" Boromir asked.  
  
Everyone looked around and whistled.  
  
"Fine! I'll go!" Pixie called.  
  
"And me!" Pippin ran after her. Everyone looked puzzled at him. "She might give me an onion!" he called to the rest of the fellowship.  
  
"Why do you keep following me Hungry Boy?" she asked as she quickened her pace to loose him.  
  
"Because I want an onion!" he called after her.  
  
"Here!" she took an onion from her pocket and threw it at him. "Now will you leave me alone?!" 


	13. Yoink!

"Legolas!" Pixie called as she looked around the shrubs. Suddenly she realized she was not alone and that the whole fellowship had followed her.  
  
"Legolas!" Gimli yelled. "You're going to have to stop having these hissy fits about your hair!"  
  
"Shut up Gimli." Frodo said and dived behind a large bush. "I found him!" Frodo called.  
  
"At least you're useful for something!" Pixie said as she dragged Frodo away from Legolas.  
  
"Legolas, Legolas, Legolas.." Aragorn said as he patted Legolas on the back in a manly way. "I think we should have a man to man talk. I mean man to Elf man talk."  
  
Nobody wanted to hear it and ran away.  
  
A couple of hours later Aragorn and Legolas came back. Aragorn was mumbling something and leaning on Legolas for support.  
  
"So did you have your man to Elf man talk?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"Yeah, can we go now?" Sam complained.  
  
"Not really, Aragorn got drunk and I could not understand what he was saying." Legolas said dropping Aragorn to the ground.  
  
"So, I am relying that we have the map now?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"Sir, yes sir!" Pippin yelled in glee.  
  
"And there are no Route 409's?" Gandalf asked.  
  
"No, but it's hard to tell." Pippin said holding the map upside-down.  
  
"Why?" Gandalf asked fearing the answer.  
  
"Well, you see it's all written in Elvish." Pippin said trying to make sense of the map.  
  
"Why did you give it to him Legolas?" Pixie sighed.  
  
"Give it here!" Legolas took the map off Pippin.  
  
Legolas stopped and gaped at the map.  
  
"What is it now?" Pixie asked.  
  
"There is treasure buried around here somewhere! In the mile radius!" Legolas exclaimed.  
  
"I'm going to be rich!" Pixie yelled. "I mean you..you're going to be rich!"  
  
"Not if I can help it!" Boromir ran up to Legolas and grabbed the map off him. "Yoink!"  
  
"You can't read Elvish!" Legolas yelled triumphantly.  
  
"No, but I can!" Aragorn seized the map from Boromir.  
  
"Has the Ring corrupted them?" Frodo asked as he hid behind Gandalf in fear. 


	14. Blast And Damn!

The four little Hobbits and the wizard were sitting and waiting for someone to find the blasted treasure. Pippin and Merry were munching away on their favorite snacks; an onion and a Brussel Sprout.  
  
"I found it!" Boromir yelled as his shovel hit against something hard.  
  
By the time they heaved the chest out of the ground it was nightfall. The chest had a big lock on it.  
  
"Let me go at it!" Gimli yelled and charged at the lock with his axe. The lock didn't budge.  
  
"Step aside dwarf." Boromir pushed Gimli out of the way and began hacking with his mighty sword, but yet again the lock didn't budge.  
  
So the Fellowship sat around watching Boromir, Aragorn and Gimli try to pry open the chest.  
  
"Does anyone have any dynamite?" Boromir asked.  
  
"Dynamite?" Frodo looked puzzled at Gandalf.  
  
"No." Pixie sighed. "I wish. If we did Nice Boy wouldn't be here by now."  
  
Pippins head began to lean forward and a slight snoring could be heard.  
  
"No! Don't make him fall asleep!" Legolas and Pixie yelled in utter horror.  
  
But it was too late. Pippin was already rolling around on the ground muttering dirty insanities. So Legolas and Pixie ran away as far as they could. Which was only about 10 feet.  
  
"That lock isn't going to be open anytime soon." Frodo sighed and kicked Pippin.  
  
"They need a key Mr. Frodo, that's what they need." Sam said.  
  
"And where are they planning on getting this key? Aye?" Merry asked as he finished his Brussel Sprout.  
  
Merry and Frodo looked at each other.  
  
"Are you thinking what I'm thinking?" Frodo asked devilishly.  
  
"Lets hope so." Merry replied and the two Hobbits ran over to Legolas.  
  
"Mr. Elf," Merry began. "Can we have one of your arrows?"  
  
"Hell no!" Pixie said as Legolas hugged his arrows protectively.  
  
"We just need one to jimmy open that chest for them." Merry continued to plead.  
  
"I will do it myself." Legolas said still hugging his arrows.  
  
"Fine, just go already." Frodo whined.  
  
"And..voila!" Legolas said as he took the lock of the chest.  
  
"Finally we find a use for you," Gimli growled and got hit on the helmet by Pixie.  
  
Boromir jumped in and opened the chest to get its contents to himself.  
  
"Hey!" Sam said. "It's just a piece of paper!"  
  
"Blast and damn!" Boromir screamed.  
  
"What's it say?" Frodo asked jumping up and down trying to get a better look.  
  
"'Dear Fellowship,  
  
This is Dark Lord Sauron here. Sorry for guiding you off track mates (losers). But the Ring can't be destroyed. Sorry for wasting your time fellas (losers). Be off on your way now. Cheerio!'  
  
That bastard!" Boromir yelled.  
  
"Well that was a waste of time." Aragorn said disappointed.  
  
"Young'uns." Gandalf said and took a puff of his pipe.  
  
"I am not young!" Legolas protested. "I am two thousand nine hundred and thirty-one years old!"  
  
"Calm down, old boy." Boromir chuckled.  
  
"At least I am going to live for-" Legolas began again.  
  
"Yeah, yeah, we know," Boromir said annoyed. "Live for ever."  
  
"Yeah, calm down," Frodo teased. "You'll LIVE LONGER!" and fell on the ground laughing. 


	15. Payback

"I'm tired of listening to Hungry Boy sing dirty serenades." Pixie said quite tiredly and kicked Frodo in his sleep just because.  
  
"I think it is payback time!" Legolas said and began to whisper his plan to Pixie so as not to wake anyone up.  
  
In the morning the Fellowship encircled the sleeping Frodo and the muttering Pippin. Everyone tried to control themselves and not laugh as Pixie and Legolas sprayed whipped cream into the Hobbits hands.  
  
"This is a classic!" Boromir whispered excitedly.  
  
"Now!" Legolas commanded Gandalf.  
  
Gandalf took the giant goose feathers and tickled Frodo's and Pippin's nose.  
  
Pippin and Frodo hit themselves in the face and smothered sweet white froth on their little Hobbit cheeks.  
  
"Ow! I got some in my eye!" Frodo shot up from his sleep. "It's disgusting!" he yelled.  
  
"I rather like it." Pippin commented. "I haven't eaten anything sweet in a long time." he said as he licked the tip of his nose. Pippin continued to scrape the whipped cream off his face and eat it.  
  
"Serves you right Nice Boy!" Legolas yelled triumphantly and did a little victory dance.  
  
The fellowship continued rolling around laughing until midday when all their stomachs got sore and they had to resume their journey.  
  
Pippin continued to run between Legolas and Pixie the whole day hoping that he would get an onion or whipped cream. Or better yet an onion COVERED in whipped cream.  
  
"We'll get revenge on them," Sam whispered to Frodo who was still fuming. "I promise Mr. Frodo."  
  
"I don't like the looks of that Wise Guy." Pixie said to Legolas as she eyed Sam suspiciously. "What's he saying?"  
  
"Visitor coming." Legolas said as Pippin once again ran up to them.  
  
"Oh, it's you Hungry Boy." Pixie said. "What do you want? And onion?"  
  
Pippin nodded like a good puppy dog.  
  
"What is Sam saying to Nice Boy?" Legolas asked Pippin.  
  
"I don't know Mr. Elf, sir! I just want an onion or whipped cream!" Pippin begged.  
  
"Tell us what he is saying and I'll give you an onion." Pixie said. Whatever it takes, she thought, even if it meant asking Hungry Boy for help.  
  
"Anything for an onion!" Pippin ran back to Sam and Frodo.  
  
"So?" Legolas asked as Pippin ran back.  
  
"They were saying something about taking revenge on Legolas and Crazy Girl. Something to do with sleeping in. I don't know. Wait! You're Legolas! And you're Crazy Girl!" Pippin said in astonishment.  
  
"That's right. And if you tell anyone what we asked you to do there'll be hell. Actually it will be worse than hell. There will be no more onions!" Pixie warned.  
  
"I won't Miss! I promise Sir! Can I have my onion now!" Pippin pleaded with all his might.  
  
"I suppose." Pixie said reluctantly.  
  
If Pippin had a puppy dog tail it would certainly be wagging with joy right now.  
  
"Where did you get that onion?" Merry asked in jealousy.  
  
"No where." Pippin said plainly.  
  
"Wait. I'm going to and try get a Brussel Sprout." Merry said and ran off to Aragorn.  
  
"Sir? Sir can I have a Brussel Sprout?" Merry held out his hand to Aragorn.  
  
"Why?" Aragorn asked.  
  
"Because Pippin has one."  
  
"So if Pippin jumped into Shadow would you do it too?" Aragorn asked in a motherly fashion.  
  
"No sir I wouldn't sir. I just want a Brussel Sprout."  
  
"Do you think I'm made of Brussel Sprouts?" Aragorn scolded.  
  
"No sir." Merry recoiled back in fear.  
  
"Just give him the damn Brussel Sprout so he will shut his trap!" Boromir yelled. 


	16. Healing Drug

"No hard feelings friends," Frodo said and patted Legolas and Pixie on the shoulder.  
  
"Don't touch me." Pixie said in a deadly voice.  
  
"It was all in good humor, the whipped cream. I understand." Frodo continued in an overly friendly voice. "Here have a drink." Frodo said as Sam handed them goblets with greenish liquid.  
  
"Nice Boy, we are not stupid. Are you trying to poison us?" Legolas asked as he looked into the goblet.  
  
"Fine." Frodo sighed and took the glasses from them. "I'll drink some." Frodo took a big gulp. "Here have this." Frodo motioned to Sam. Sam came over like a waiter and handed them different goblets with what looked like what water.  
  
"That's better!" Pixie said as she began drinking her water.  
  
"Wait!" Legolas tried to stop her but it was too late so he just drank his.  
  
No sooner had they finished the 'water' they collapsed into a deep sleep while Sam and Frodo ran away giggling like schoolgirls.  
  
"Is everyone here?" Gandalf asked an hour after they set out as he looked straight ahead while leading the Fellowship closer to their destination.  
  
"Yes." Sam and Frodo answered innocently because they were last in the line.  
  
Pixie opened her eyes to find that it was bright, sunny daylight. She rubbed her eyes sleepily.  
  
"Where is everyone?" she asked herself as she looked around to see only the put out fire and sleeping Legolas. "Wake up!" she tugged at Legolas cloak still herself being half asleep. "Wake up!"  
  
Legolas just mumbled something. She had to find a better tactic.  
  
"Legolas!" she said lively. "Someone stole your bow and Hungry Boy is sleepwalking over to you!"  
  
Suddenly like a bolt of lightning Legolas jumped up.  
  
"Where is everyone?" he asked dizzily from getting up too fast.  
  
"Left without us." Pixie said in a revengeful voice.  
  
"I think it was Nice Boy."  
  
"No shit. But how are we going to find them?"  
  
"Follow their tracks." Legolas said as his eye followed the footprints.  
  
So they walked and walked the mounty plains until they caught sight of the Fellowship.  
  
Pixie sneaked up to Frodo and grabbed him.  
  
"AAAAH! Help I'm being attacked!" Frodo cried. And when he saw it was crazy girl he added; "By a maniac!"  
  
She let Frodo go so he would stop his horrible yelling.  
  
"Thought you could loose us?" She asked.  
  
"No! It was all his idea!" Frodo pointed to Merry.  
  
"Mr. Frodo! I never!" Merry huffed.  
  
Pixie took out her little pillbox and took out a little pill with the Playboy Bunny © (copyright) imprinted on it.  
  
"What is that?" Legolas asked.  
  
"It's what we, back at home, call a drug." She said.  
  
"You mean like healing drugs." Legolas asked again.  
  
"Yeah...Like a...healing drug." Pixie said.  
  
"Who are you going to heal?" Legolas asked in interest.  
  
"You'll see my boy, you'll see." 


	17. The Power Of The Healing Drug

Legolas made little holes in the two apples that belonged to Frodo and Sam with his arrow. Pixie slipped in the 'healing drug' into them and put them back into the hobbits bags.  
  
Everyone sat around the fire warming their hands.  
  
"Are we ever going to get to Mordor?" Boromir asked impatiently.  
  
"I know where I am going." Gandalf answered.  
  
"At the pace we're going it seems we're never going to destroy that ring. I want to go back home!" Gimli complained.  
  
"We took on this quest and we shall carry it through! No matter what!" Aragorn said like a true hero.  
  
"Just be patient. We are going to get there." Gandalf reassured everyone.  
  
"That's right Mr. Wizard! That's the spirit!" Pippin yelled before once again his head rolled back and all that could be heard was "Those are two prettiest.....eyes, I have ever seen! Now do you mind showing me the rest?"  
  
"I wish I had dreams like that." Boromir sulked.  
  
"Oh, sure, sure!" Gimli chuckled.  
  
"Look!" Pixie whispered excitedly to Legolas as Frodo and Sam took out the red apples from their bags.  
  
Legolas and Pixie held their breath as Frodo and Sam bit into the red flesh of the apples.  
  
"I still don't understand." Legolas said puzzled. "Why would you want to heal them?"  
  
"Just watch!" Pixie squealed with excitement.  
  
In a couple of minutes Frodo and Sam were running around the fire like mad.  
  
"Look at the pretty colours!" Frodo exclaimed as he waved his arms in front of his face.  
  
"I can hear the flowers!" Sam exclaimed.  
  
By now Frodo's and Sam's eyes were big, wide and bright.  
  
"You're it!"  
  
"No, you're it!"  
  
Frodo and Sam chased around playing tag.  
  
"Watch out! Will you?!" Boromir said as he covered his head.  
  
"That's not usual behavior for those two." Aragorn pointed out as he scratched his chin.  
  
"Look what a pretty beard!" Frodo mused in a drugged state as he tugged on Gimli's beard.  
  
"Get away from me you little varmint!" Gimli shouted.  
  
"Look!" Sam called over to his friend. "Pointy ears! Pointy ears!" he jumped up and down as he pointed to Legolas's head.  
  
The only remotely sane hobbit that was left was Merry. And he watched his friends in fear as they bounced around like kangaroos.  
  
"What's wrong with you Frodo?" Gandalf asked as Frodo stole his hat and ran off to pretend to be a turtle.  
  
"Look Sam! I'm a tuuuuuuuuuuuuurtle!" Frodo squealed.  
  
"Look Mr. Frodo! I'm a dwaaaaaaaaaarf!" Sam yelled as he stole Gimli's helmet.  
  
"Look! A hobbit! A hobbit!" Frodo exclaimed as he rolled Pippin around.  
  
"Is he alive? Alive?" Sam asked as he poked Pippin with a stick.  
  
Their little adventure into the drugged state of mind came to an end when Aragorn picked them up by their collars and banged their heads together.  
  
"That's better." He said dusting his hands as Frodo and Sam lay on the ground whimpered in their sleep.  
  
"Never give that healing drug to me." Legolas said to Pixie as he watched Frodo and Sam.  
  
"I have no intend to." Pixie said as-a-matter-of-factly.  
  
"I want some!" Pippin yelled. "Aren't you going to give me some?"  
  
Pixie and Legolas just looked at each other and hoped that Pippin wouldn't try anything funny as he began singing a dirty love ballad. 


	18. Frodi

"I hate you!" Frodo said to Pixie. "I wish you never came! You're nothing but a problem!"  
  
Then Pixie's lip began to quiver and she started crying.  
  
"I hate you! Baggings!" she yelled and ran off crying.  
  
Everyone looked at Frodo.  
  
"What?" he asked defensively.  
  
Suddenly she stopped, ran back, grabbed a bottle of Brandy from Boromir's bag, gave everyone the evil eyes and ran away.  
  
"Great!" Legolas said sarcastically. "Look what you did."  
  
"How could you Mr. Frodo?" Pippin said outraged and ran off crying after Pixie.  
  
Pippin stopped short, came back, took the bottle of Whiskey from Aragorn's bag, gave everyone the evil eyes and ran after her again.  
  
"No! Wait for me! Onion!" Pippin yelled after her.  
  
"Boy, he took it badly." Merry said.  
  
"That was really smart Nice Boy!" Legolas sarcastically commented again.  
  
Legolas hit Frodo, Sam hit Legolas, Merry hit Sam, Aragorn hit Merry, Boromir hit Aragorn, Gimli hit Boromir and Gandalf hit Gimli.  
  
"You shouldn't drown your problems in alcohol." Gimli said wisely. "Believe me, I tried."  
  
In the morning they found the crazy girl and the hobbit.  
  
"Apologize, Frodo." Gandalf ordered.  
  
"Never!" Frodo resisted.  
  
So everyone grabbed Frodo and forced him to.  
  
"He is going to apologize." Legolas said as he stood before Pixie and Pippin.  
  
"No!" Frodo protested.  
  
"Apologize!" Gandlaf yelled.  
  
"I'm……….sorry!" Frodo found it hard to say the words and he didn't really mean them.  
  
"Should we forgive him?" Pixie nudged Pippin who still had the empty Whiskey bottle in his hand and looked pretty drunk.  
  
"Who?" Pippin asked.  
  
"Him!" Pixie said quite sober.  
  
"Are you drunk?" Legolas asked.  
  
"No, Hungry Boy drank the Brandy." She answered casually. "So should we forgive him?" she asked Pippin again.  
  
"You mean Frodi?" Pippin slurred.  
  
"Frodi, Freddi whatever! Should we forgive him?" she pushed Pippin.  
  
"For what?" Pippin swayed a bit.  
  
"Because he's a jerk." She glared at Frodo.  
  
"I know he's a jerk." Pippin slurred again before he fell down.  
  
"Fine Nice Boy. We forgive you. For the heartless being that you are." Pixie sighed.  
  
"I am not heartless!" Frodo yelled.  
  
"It's ok. We understand." Pixie patted him on the shoulder.  
  
"You're just crazy!" Frodo kept yelling.  
  
"You are really brave." Legolas said later on.  
  
"Why?" Pixie asked puzzled.  
  
"No, because you had to spend the night with DRUNKEN Hungry Boy." Legolas shuddered at thinking of sleeping Hungry Boy.  
  
"Oh, no it was nothing!" she answered. "He actually went unconscious, I think it was from mixing Brandy and Whiskey. So he didn't even move the whole night."  
  
"The whole night?!" Legolas asked, astonished.  
  
"Pretty much." She said.  
  
"He's a troubled little Hobbit." Legolas shook his head.  
  
"I know, he needs help. And I think I know where he can get some." She said getting an idea. 


	19. AA

"This is Hungry Boy and we would like to sign him up here." Pixie said to the receptionist.  
  
"Alright, the meetings begin today." The friendly, Elven receptionist smiled.  
  
Pixie and Legolas dragged Pippin to the first meeting.  
  
"I see this is," the lady looked down her list. "I see this is Hungry Boy."  
  
Pippin nodded in confirmation.  
  
"Take a seat." The Elven, lady smiled again. "Are you two here also for the meeting?" she turned to Legolas and Pixie.  
  
"No." Legolas replied.  
  
"We're just here to make sure Hungry Boy doesn't run away. Do you mind if we stay to look after him?" Pixie asked.  
  
"Of course." The Elven lady said.  
  
Legolas and Pixie sat in a corner and watched the meeting. Finally it was Pippins turn.  
  
"Hi my name is Pippin and I drink." He said.  
  
"Of course you do!" the Elven lady said. "That's why you're here."  
  
"So, did you learn anything?" Pixie asked as they walked back from the meeting.  
  
"Yeah, never get caught." Pippin said. "That lady is real friendly." Pippin smiled in the same fashion as the Elven lady.  
  
"What was her name?" Pixie asked.  
  
"Ummm……..I think it was BrandyWine." Pippin said.  
  
"Hungry Boy!" Legolas scolded.  
  
"No! That was her name! BrandyWine."  
  
"You mean Brenda Vine?" Legolas asked.  
  
"Yeah, that." Pippin agreed.  
  
"I know her from somewhere!" Legolas suddenly remembered.  
  
"AA meeting?" Pixie raised her eyebrows.  
  
"No!" Legolas cried defensively.  
  
"From where then Mr. Elf?" Pippin asked.  
  
"It will come to me later." Legolas waved the thought away.  
  
"I know!" Legolas yelled.  
  
"You know what?" Frodo asked.  
  
"That lady!" Legolas said.  
  
"You mean BrandyWine?" Pixie asked.  
  
"Brenda Vine." Legolas corrected. "Yes, her!"  
  
"From where?" Pippin mumbled.  
  
"She was my babysitter!" Legolas exclaimed.  
  
"That must've been a loooooooong time ago." Gimli teased.  
  
"Only two thousand years!" Legolas protested.  
  
"You should talk to her in my next meeting." Pippin said and began to sleepily close his eyes.  
  
"Why? What would I say to her?" Legolas pondered to himself.  
  
"I love you!" Pippin called.  
  
"I don't love her!" Legolas replied.  
  
"Oi, Legolas!" Pixie called to Legolas who was engrossed in his thoughts.  
  
"What?" he broke away from his trail of thought.  
  
"He's asleep!" Pixie pointed to Pippin who was rolling around.  
  
"Oh," Legolas said carelessly not realizing the situations.  
  
"He's ASLEEP!" Pixie said again.  
  
"What?" Legolas mumbled. "Asleep? AH!" 


End file.
